Trigger warning: this article discusses rape and sexual assault
New feminist hero Gisèle Pelicot said something very important in her statement after the sentencing of her ex-husband and 50 of the strangers he had recruited to rape her – and it was nothing to do with shame.
When the trial concluded, my social media timeline was mostly the words “shame must change sides”, alongside a picture of Gisèle. Despite the world’s media and everyone I follow focusing on her “shame” quote, this is not the most important thing Gisèle had to say.
She does have the answer. We’re just focusing on the wrong statement.
“I now have confidence in our ability to collectively seize a future in which each woman and man can live in harmony with respect and mutual understanding. I thank you.”
Oh please, please can we collectively seize this future? Please, please can we live together in harmony with respect and mutual understanding?
Harmony and respect starts in school
This is where schools – and our determination to end sexism within them – come in.
Our current school system is responsible for perpetuating sexist norms and stereotypes. The school curriculum mainly teaches pupils about male achievements, male stories, male experiences. Women and girls are all but invisible in what pupils are taught in our classrooms.
We are simply not teaching our boys or girls that women have existed throughout history, created great literature and art, have experiences, thoughts and feelings, and are worthy of empathy, compassion and respect.
The othering of women and girls perpetuates the cycle of violence while our education system reinforces the belief that women and girls don’t matter.
The ‘perfect’ victim
This story was a huge deal worldwide because of the enormity of the abuse Gisèle’s ex-husband subjected to her to, the sheer number of men who raped and assaulted her, and the length of time the abuse went undiscovered. It’s also a compelling story because Gisèle represents the ‘perfect’ victim.
Gisèle is a white, middleclass, married, respectable mother and grandmother. It cannot be claimed that she was complicit in her assaults, as she was drugged. No prior interactions with these men can be twisted to suggest she encouraged them – they were strangers to her – the attacks were filmed and this evidence shown to the court. The case was not dependent on her testimonial.
She is held up as a hero because there is no shadow of doubt over what happened to her. It is extremely rare for the survivors of sexual assault to be in this position. Police and courts will pick over every detail of a survivor’s life – their relationships, sexual history, text messages, clothing choices.
Gisèle’s daughter Caroline Darian believes her father assaulted her too. She said: “I know that he drugged me, probably for sexual abuse. But I don’t have any evidence. And that’s the case for how many victims? They are not believed because there’s no evidence.”
Her mother said: “I wanted all woman victims of rape – not just when they have been drugged, rape exists at all levels – I want those women to say: Mrs Pelicot did it, we can do it too. When you’re raped there is shame, and it’s not for us to have shame, it’s for them.”
Gisèle was infinitely brave to waive her anonymity – and this has achieved a great deal globally – but she is the ‘perfect’ victim. Women who are raped when conscious, while drunk, after going home with their assailant, after exchanging flirty texts – if they waive their anonymity, they will be ripped apart by the same media holding Gisèle up as an inspiration.
No more shame for victims?
Telling rape victims to stop feeling shame and to come forward will not fix the epidemic of violence against women.
Just like Gisèle, End Sexism in Schools wants each woman and man to live in harmony with respect and mutual understanding.
An important part of achieving this is teaching boys, and girls, about women and girls in school – their experiences, their achievement, their humanity. Gisèle was not owned by her husband. She was not his to do with as he pleased. End the cycle of violence. That’s Gisèle’s dream.
